made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Randomize
