She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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