I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
