How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
