She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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