the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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