Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
