she looked like the before picture.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
