pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
