Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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