I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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