I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
