I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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