Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
