Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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