Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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