when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
