we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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