i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize