so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he fucked my hip out of place.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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