I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
