PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
