oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It was confusing and full of hummus
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
