either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
