I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
