Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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