This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
