I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
