I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
