FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize