how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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