Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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