Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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