Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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