plz talk dirty to me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
cat food counts as protein by the way
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
