Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
