he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
