Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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