Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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