my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
