So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
