everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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