It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
