dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
