Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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