Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
