I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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