I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
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Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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