So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize