saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
