we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
