I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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