So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
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