It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
