You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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