I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
