so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
