Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
