mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize