he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
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Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
sex in a hospital.. check
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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