I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
