My brain says no but my pants say off.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
