I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
