I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
