I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Acid is not a monday night drug
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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