Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
