Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
