Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
