tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
