He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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