I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize