I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
