Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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