Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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