Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
