First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
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Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
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Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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