Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
