I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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