Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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